Grime Squad

you never go full retard my nigga

2008-12-23T00:08:00.004-05:00

ok, so i had to pause tropic thunder to write this. i hope you niggas have a good holiday and all that, my jewish niggas who got hannukah poppin off right now, christmas niggas, kwanzaa niggas and the like, get your ham eats on.

if any of the 5 cats who read this remember any of my old blog jawns on myspace, i made a post about crazy ass tom cruise doing some crazy ass shit. i also talked about will smith and his cornball kids.

you know what? fuck it. tom cruise, you can act however the fuck you want from now on, im ridin with you my nigga. and your alien spaceships to the death. if you wanna jump on couches or jump over cars and grow babies new arms with your touch, im all for it, just so long as you keep taking roles like Tropic Thunder. say word son. he just got raw in that shit. i defintely love it when actors can take unconventional roles for themselves and fuckin go to town, mostly not homo.

-tom cruise in tropic thunder
-brad pitt in true romance (very small roll and pitt didnt do much, but real niggas know what im saying)
-alec baldwin in outside providence (maybe debatable, but still, this was the first type of real comedic role id seen baldwin in)
-christopher walken in joe dirt (......)
-christopher walken on SNL (if you come across any reruns, watch em, that nigga is the truth on SNL, not just the cowbell skit)

this isnt a scene with baldwin in it, but its still good. if you havent seen this movie check it out.
add on more if you got em.

i cant find any good clips for you guys, but seeing how its december, and the movie came out this summer, im probably the last nigga to see it anyways. i want to establish my own niche as the only film critic on CP time. ill review the dark knight in two months.

wale got a new mixtape comin out. back to the future themed. i love wale, no homo, but back to the future shit is played out. yeah, ironic of me to say, but still. i mean, i dont mind all this 80's revival shit poppin, but get dirty with it son, plus mickey factz already did a BTTF mixtape. so just make sure you do it right.

but yeah, i mean, no one listens to mixtapes anyways so dig down deep with your ideas. get wild with the shit, turn niggas onto new wild music, and get them diggin in the metaphorical crates for all the hidden gems from back in the day. can niggas put out monster squad themed mixtapes?(dont steal that, its in progress). how about, 'if looks could kill' themed mixtapes? aint naan niggas seein the greico, son, real talk. 'the perfect weapon' style mixtapes? i mean, niggas is always refrencing the same 4 movies or album covers and shit when it comes to the 80s. i just dropped three slept on classics that most niggas out aint heard of ever. stop sleeping on short circuit, shit. four. ehhhh, three point five.

that nigga curren$y did the fast times at ridgemont fly joint, and i was kinda hatin on that, til i listened to it. and that shit was dope, he did that shit correct. then i heard the tecmo bowl joint and i was like, yessir.

so yeah, i lost my train of thought. but yeah, hopefully wales mixtape will be dope, you better be watching back to the future my nigga, cos ima catch any inconsistencies, as will my nigga david thong and joseph. we got our eye on you. im still confused as to why wale aint doin a wall-e mixtape. he would have everyone bumpin that shit, from 3 year olds to three year olds parents.

tall tee recently sent me what i deem to be the best shit on the internet. ever. on the real. no homo, but i x'ed out some titties cos i was too focused on the hilarity of these joints.

BLACK JESUS. this nigga is the trillest nigga ever. if this was really how God's Son was, it wouldnt be called the Holy Trinity, it'd be called, the Holy Trillity. true stories my nigga, on some a current affair tip. if yall dont think this is funny, theres no saving you. merry xmas

my nigga kid cudi with the new video out. stop sleepin on this kid

the gawd facemob

them niggas in the back should stop dancing.

my president is black.

2008-11-05T20:59:00.004-05:00

yo, so obviously history has been made. not the history niggas be talkin about on their mixtapes when they do a joint with premo or kanye or dr. dre. REAL history, my niggas. even with that shit jumpin off, you still got mad salty republican niggas getting all shook. not shook that a nigga is president, but shook that america is going to become socialist. maybe thats their 'secret speak' for really being shook a nigga is finna run shit. and even if america does become socialist, thats still the dumbest shit i ever heard. yo nigga, you might wanna cut on a premo beat, cos im about to make history with this shit.

republican niggas is crying about socialism, and afraid obama is gonna run up in they crib and be like, YO NIGGA COME UP OFF THAT CHECKBOOK! AND BREAK A NIGGA OFF WITH THAT 401k WHILE YOU AT IT SON!

these niggas dont wanna pay no taxes, but they want everything to be cool? wheres the sense in that? i dont want mad high taxes, but if i gotta pay my taxes and can drive on non shitty roads, and go to the doctor when i need to, then shit, take some of my scrilla, i dont give a fuck. i mean, i give a fuck now cos a nigga broke n shit, but once i start cakin off, if i still got money for bills, lambos and making it rain on strippers, then im good, take your 20%. i better not hit a pothole in this muthafucka tho.

my next point, republican niggas is all afraid of obama cos of all his programs and ideas he wants to put into action. yo nigga, have you not seen the spending for the past 8 years?! nigga shut the fuck up with that foolishness, the last administration pumped the deficit up from like, 5 to 10 trillion dollars! NIGGA!! TRILLION!! thats not even like, real numbers fam! thats debt, cant no one write a check for TRILLIONS. rappers cant even conceive that much money. shit is inconceiveable! and you mad cos obama wants 100 billion dollars for so and so and your wack ass crew blew so much money in the last 8 years that we went into imaginary words and shit to describe it. with that fact alone rappers should be republicans. imaginary words to describe how much money we waste.

rap niggas out here buying jewels that look like fucking newport boxes and stoplights, their own faces and cereal boxes. at least these rap niggas got something to show for their rampant spending(besides ignorance). all yall got to show for it is dead soliders, injured soldiers, dead iraqis, injured iraqis, heavy anti-american sentiment worldwide, not knowing where osama is still, a toppling economy, high ass unemployment... should i continue? the republicans is just treating the economy like its Monopoly money and shit. 'yo nigga just print up more of them big face hundreds dunn, ship that shit to my nigga Benny! he'll know what to do with it!'

the only republicans i respect are real niggas who rep that return to fiscal conservatism. them niggas whos like, 'yo, lets have small govt and cut spending, and get the state and local govts dealing much heavier with shit. the federal govt should only be dealing with triple O.G. shit that affects everyone heavy.' if you read that and youre like, 'hey, thats me!' then you can stop reading, youre ok.

moving onto the rest of this dumb ass right wing nigga shit, these niggas is pro life and shit. this dude at the polling spot was asking me to vote pro life and i was like, nigga i am. im voting pro-my-life. fuck that abortion nonsense nigga, i got jimmy hats and the sense to pull out if i need to. these fools wanna say life starts at conception, then make you have the baby you cant care for or dont want cos you were raped or got incested up, and then when you apply for public assistance to get your shit right so you can care for the lil nigga they made you have, they wanna be like, wah wah, why you gotta use welfare, i dont wanna spend my taxes on helping you, you should just fix your own problems. but oh word, lets go to church cos we in the religious right? and after that, lets sentence more people to death. nigga please, yall whole steez is on some missing chromosome shit.

theres so much more to fixing the country than abortion and not wanting to pay taxes. half these dumb ass niggas is still running around saying we cant leave iraq, cos we need to 'win.' nigga win what? i dont see no muthafucking prizes. theres nothing to win. your genius president bush declared victory 5 years ago. get them niggas home son, them niggas is tryna see they kids and husbands and wives and fucking drink slurpees again, and bush and the republicans got them over there in some bullshit.

thats all i got right now. niggas need to work as a whole to make america tight again. fuck this left and right nonsense. you can be a hardheaded dick when it comes to your wack ass football team, but if you like living here, then man up. all us niggas gotta get heavy on the grind together to get america poppin off fresh again. and yall really aint go no choice republicans, where the fuck are you gonna go? i aint heard a country yet that is like, 'yo all you salty republicans can come live here!' yall can go to alaska maybe. theres a tax credit for you if you live there right? perfect!

heres some more shit for yall so this joint wasnt a total waste. only youtubes this time, i gave yall like 25 free songs last blog and yall niggas aint even download it.

i was late about hearing about this nigga charles hamilton. dude is dope:

the nail in the coffin

2008-11-03T23:57:00.004-05:00

tomorrow is going to be a pretty important day. its definitely a 'nail in the coffin' day. my homie just had to convince her mom that voting for obama is still a good idea. white people are getting cold feet yall.

some of them who support obama are getting the last minute inklings that they might be making the wrong choice, similar to how every nigga feels on his wedding day or the day when his(maybe) first child is born. but this time its for something much more important. and its found in all white genotypez.

its the realization that if obama wins, white people have nothing left thats just theirs, aside from hockey and nascar, and cauliflower. and a good chunk of white people dont even fuck with that shit, except for cauliflower. white people love cauliflower, that shit is ass, son. the presidency is really the last institution of whitehood left standing in america. its ok white people, we'd feel the same way if we were in your position. i mean, if we couldnt holler at white girls anymore? shit, our world would come to a standstill of epic proportions!

mccain supporters know that already and thats prolly why a good chunk of them support el mavericko, even if hed sink whats left of the country into a mound of doodoo and break the sound barrier doing it. thats some true ride or die shit, with ignorance levels rivaling that of any gangmember. thats the other nail in the coffin, mccain pulling a victory out of his ass. if mccain wins, america is gonna be mad fucked son, its gonna be like mad max mins the fly whips and gear. so shit is gonna change tomorrow, no matter what.

the last holdouts are the white obama folks, and doubt is seeping into their head this very moment. all my brown, black, yellow, or wigger friends, pick up your phones and dial your white friends and colleagues, and make sure they arent backing down in the final hour.

also, if obama loses, shit is gonna be real raw for awhile. ill tell you white people now, dont even call your black friends if obama loses. just sever ties for a few weeks and then try to ease back into the routine. however, if he wins, call some niggas up and get loose son.

also, did you niggas see sarah palins speech on snl tonight? was it just me or was she delivering punchlines to a silent audience? the lack of laughter at her jokes made me laugh til i cried at her skit. that and her square head.

and with all this happening in america, i hope china is paying attention. they need to keep letting their chemicals and technology shit run rampant til they make some zombies on accident. then shit will really get poppin around the world son. thats what im waiting for.

lastly, my homie cheeks posted a trailer to his coming soon documentary, 'on the grind,' about skateboarding down in long beach. shit looks beast, check it out and support. peace

On The Grind - Documentary Trailer from James Cheeks on Vimeo.

damn homie, in high school you was the maaan homie, wtf happened to you?

2008-11-02T16:17:00.005-05:00

yo son, we vote on tuesday. if you voted already, you are lucky. ima be in line like im voting in zimbabwe or something.

theres three types of people i lump into the same category. jewish people who celebrate christmas and hannukah, bisexuals and niggas who double park their whips in a crowded parking lot. all them niggas is just greedy son. i think if people become biased to people in ways like that instead of their skin color or religion, it will help alot of shit. replace racism with odd categorization based biases, and since we would be biased mainly against wack, but controllable shit, the perpetrators of said wackness would disappear from society. right? well the actions, at least. i mean probably not, but that would be tight.

i havent blogged for awhile cos i havent had anything(of substance) weigh on my brain for awhile as you can see. i been cruisin. but i was watching tv last week or the week before and i saw that new show that has zack morris in it, 'raising the bar.' yo, mad props to that nigga. we werent even ready for that next level public defense shit son.

check it, you remember after the college years of saved by the bell first went off, and we saw kelly ka-ply-owski get onto the 90210 jumpoff [sidebar: niggas was mad cysed when she came onto 90210, but fuck that, the real niggas was down with that claire chick, she was in scary movie 2 i think, she was mad fresh]

anyways, jesse went off to fail at a career in titty relief and then disappear from life completely, screech stayed with saved by the bell because seriously, what else was he going to do(plus who cares)? lisa turtle was in how high, and bitch ass ac slater did a stint on pacific blue before becoming host of every gay ass reality show he could get his hands on. didnt him and tony danza try to start a male version of 'the view' or something? WTF yo.

whatever, the point is, at one point or another, all of us asked, 'yo nigga, wheres zack morris? that nigga was the SHIT at Bayside, freezing time and snagging bitches, selling cupcakes and shit, but he cant get no more acting work?

nah son, naaaah. thats what we all thought, but we were wrong. hes got this new lawyer style show, like law and order with more emphasis on the law part as opposed to the order. hes a public defender and he helps niggas, well, the collective 'nigga' when they catch cases and shit. at first i was thinkin the show would be mad (butt)cheeks, but then i decided to give it a shot cos something occured to me.

in all them years after saved by the bell, this nigga wasnt takin wack ass jobs like his bayside brethren. he was out trying to get his chops up son. GRINDING, nigga. he did a coupla wack jawns here and failed series there, but he kept tryina get shit poppin off. mario lopez gave up after pacific blue, fuck that nigga, he is the skeet ulrich to dean cain's johnny depp. and for real, this nigga got by hip hop WAY too easy. im saying, this niggas name is SKEEEEEET.

but yall see my point, cos that nigga got a dope show now son, killin the lawyering game. overall the show is solid. i ejnoy it. and for the chicks, to get yall enticed, that gay nigga ricky from 'My So Called Life' is on the show too, looking all roided up and gay as hell. the mom from 'malcom in the middle' is in it too. shes a bitch ass judge, literally. the villain. some of the other lawyer chicks are beast mode hot, especially the dark haired ones. i guess theyre good lawyers too, i dont want chicks out here thinking im an asshole or something. but on the real, check the show if you want, zack morris is killin the primetime drama game, and mario lopez is shitting on the toilet backwards, literally and also speaking metaphorically for his career. dont forget to vote on tuesday.

click here to download a mix to bump while you wait in line this tuesday. and please, vote for the right person obviously. this isnt rocket science here dunns.

im starting with the wo(man) in the mirror

2008-09-29T13:13:00.008-04:00

*this shit is mad late, my blog was on CP time.*

i hope everyone is paying attention. this election is more than the bailout, the war, the impending future of the american empire. its going to be a completely polarizing event, and my niggas, we need to pay special attention. This election is going to tell us whether white america would prefer to put the country in the hands of an able bodied white man and black man, or a nearly dead white man and a mentally disabled white woman. and i say that fo' real. this decision is really going to do something to white america. america as a whole, yes, but everyone is really looking at the white people, cos yalls votes are whats going to decide this thing. i mean think about it white people. since obama threw his hat in the ring, have you ever once asked a black person who they were voting for? thats like, currently the dumbest question to ask a nigga. its overtaken, 'do you know [insert any black person you ever met in your life]?' but right now, my focus is on sarah palin.

people actually think this chick is fresh! i mean, id smash bang, but saying id hit is a lot different than, 'yeah, i want that broad to lead the country.'

the messed up thing too, is that all the cats in middle america are going to vote for this broad and mccain, and they dont even know what theyre getting themselves into. As my brother said, people are getting off on the feeling of looking at sarah palin thinking, 'aw shucks, shes just like me! ima vote for her!'

think about that statement like this: step back and think about yourself. most of us prolly got bad credit, spend our time reading Us weekly instead of the Economist, watching reality shows on bravo and eating macaroni right out the pot when no one is looking. we cant find iran on a map, and we have no understanding of the economy, other than knowing our dollar has been reduced to single ply toilet paper.

now if sarah palin is just like us, read the shit above and think twice about your vote. the shit is a presidential election, not american idol. I was listening to NPR and some stupid feminist ho was talking about how unqualified men get into positions of power, so why not a woman? normally, id agree with her statement, but shit, the president of the US is not a job position akin to the Asst. Manager job you got passed over for at the Bethesda Kinko's.

and before you feminists try to jump down my throat, let me say that im not one of the dudes who said palin couldnt be a VP cos shes got kids. in fact, that shit never came into my mind. not once. i mean, shes got a husband, and that nigga aint gonna do shit if she gets elected, so he can take care of the kids, or her daughter, she can get more mommy practice in. i think most of the comments referring to that were referring to her youngest kid tho, the disabled one. and even with him, i never thought her performance as VP would be changed. i think shes gonna fail miserably either way, retarded kid or genius kid. but with a retarded kid, theres only so much you have to do. i mean, it sucks, but the kid aint gonna get mad mental stamina poppin off, so you just gotta make sure he gets exercise and food and shelter and attention. anyone can handle that. and the kid aint gonna act out cos mommy aint around, i mean, itll be like living out the movie '50 first dates' but without having to come to a point where you have to explain the issue to the kid every day. its going to be the same forever. he wont become a delinquent, or grow up with unresolved issues, he'll just be chillin with his walkman and his baseball. g'ed up. so whats the fuss about? as much as i dont want sarah palin anywhere near the white house, the status of her kids/family shouldnt be an issue for debate in her decision to run.

the new rainbow coalition

2008-09-05T17:28:00.009-04:00

its been awhile, i been outta town and shit. workin on other projects i want to get done before the end of the year. but i had a short conversation yesterday with a homie that led me to write this. its nothing new, im sure you niggas have talked about it with your friends too.

literally, why cant niggas just be black? i mean, all this hullabaloo we got poppin off as we near a pivotal election in american history. and of course, everyone is going to be calling this nigga african american. well, i guess we can maybe let him pass with the title, since his dad is OG african right? hes closer to 'african american' than 95% of the niggas in america right now.

i dont call my white friends polish american, german american, what have you, i call them niggas white, the man (in the pejorative sense) or, 'the enemy.' so why do niggas still get labeled like we just rolled off the boat and shit?

i could go to africa right now and be like, yo nigga, im an african american, and theyll be like, 'nigga please, get the fuck outta here before my 6 year old little brother murks you, fassy boy.'

so im saying, we need to just switch to accepting with open arms, 'black,' or if youre mad patriotic and shit, 'black american.' yeah you niggas got african descent in you, but when i ask what country your ancestors are from, you aint got shit to tell me, so how african can you be, this far down the road?

of course, to play my own devils advocate, i think asians would prefer the term asian american, over yellow. and my latino niggas seem to enjoy rolling with 'latino' as opposed to brown, or the all encompassing but offensive, 'mexican.'

so how can we set this up so everyone is happy? i say fuck it, and lets deal with race the same way niggas deal with kool ade flavors. grape? nah son, thats purple. that way, no one can be all sensitive about the shit no more. for real. asian? nah son, that chick is yellow, and i love yellow, lemonade and shit, come here girl!

see? its all love when you reduce it down to ROYGBIV. the Wu had the right idea with ice cream flavors, but that only works for chicks. if i ever hear a dude describe himself as 'butter pecan,' i dont give a fuck if he is puerto rican, or a walking, talking, bucket of butter pecan ice cream, i will slap the shit out of him. nigga you brown.

little known fact: the primary tenet of the rainbow coalition was based upon the idea of whittling race identity down to kool ade colors, in hopes of eliminating race and bias issues, but the NAACP cried about it and the coalition eventually fizzled into a group of sensitive ass niggas who cant enjoy anything.

that shit was stupid, if you want to get that 10 minutes of your life back, watch the shit below or take a shit, i dunno

The Audacity of Arrogance.

2008-07-31T00:14:00.004-04:00

"dont knock it til you tried it."

a valid adage i try to adhere to, but ima go ahead and call bullshit on one thing. if you disagree, its ok, i aint sweatin it.

cocaine.

the shit is gay. can we call a spade a spade? cocaine is the biggest beneficiary of the idea of 'hype' ever. hype, meaning in this case, excitement and interest in some shit that is nowhere near as tight as its said to actually be. now, of course, i never tried it cos the shit is corny and wack, the only thing i like in my nose is the smell of fucking fresh cooked food or plants or some girls when they walk by, or my fingers. fuck powder son. and niggas be payin how much for this shit? i dont even know! 60 a gram? shit, if you payin 5 bucks a gram, its too much. ive never heard ANYONE talk about how dope coke is, except niggas who deal that shit. and they dont even DO it. why? cos the shit is fuckin gay. coke dealers smoke weed. coincidence? i mean, from what ive gathered with my research(hearsay), you just sweat, and feel anxious and talk fast for 15 minutes and thats a wrap. what kind of high is that? do some real drugs fam. shrooms will make shit move and get you in tune with the earth and shit right, big ass pupils and shit. LSD, acid, a nigga can watch leprechauns play flag football, or a giant silhouette dancing on the field RFK stadium, or even x-ray images falling off the x-ray machine at the airport. DMT? i got no fucking idea, ask sean price, its not for the weak minded apparently, shit, fuck with meth if you wanna be on some fast forward shit. itll at least last a few days right?

but coke? no man, that shit is for herbs. tell me, who is actually stoked to try coke? ive talked to mad mad mad mad mad people, and everyone is interested in weed, shrooms, acid, wormwood? i dunno. shit, niggas is more stoked to smoke dipped cigarettes. and yeah, i know coke is natural and has been around for thousands of years, but still. i bet Caesar was like, 'helllll yeah nigga, we finna do some coke, orgy up with some bitches and legislate mad shit nigga thats whats up!!' then he did it, and 15 minutes later he was like, 'yo, tell my slave to roll me a blunt, that coke shit was fucking wack.'

coke=fail, fuck what you heard. niggas just do coke to say they did it, cos they think its cool, but its not. shit is a trend drug that has slid under the Gaydar for too long. ask yourself, who has a COOL 'coke story?'

exactly. no one. well, rick james, but you could give that nigga tussin and he'd still give you some amazing stories off robotrippin or whatever its called.

ive been checking out different candidates throughout the course of this election year. way back in the early part of the year and last year i guess, i was diggin on ron paul and some of his policies, but i didnt dig all that niggas shit, so i backed off and went back into my 'fuck politics, where the weathermen at?' steez. but lately, ive been enjoying the press coverage my nigga obama been getting. not because i think hes the great american savior or nothin, but because to me, hes got niggas shoooook.

not real niggas mind you, the collective nigga, speaking in the parlance of our times. the media and the right. he came back from his overseas trip and these motherfuckers is crying their asses off about him getting too much coverage and how he seems so presidential and arrogant at times and how its not a good look?

eat a dick.

point blank. these niggas is shook cos obama is handling his shit. not only is he handling his shit on the US front, hes going overseas and bein like, 'what up nigga, im handlin these old white niggas foreign policy shit.' this politics shit aint no secret society, its common sense. not to be bluntly racist or whatever, but my black niggas reading this understand. if our democratic candidate was some bill clinton nigga, theyd be complaining, true, but not like they are now, talking about his 'audacity of arrogance' or whatever, and claiming he should 'tone down.' saying he needs to chill cos hes not president yet. but i mean, this nigga is running FOR PRESIDENT? what best way to demonstrate your ability, than to do presidential things? these niggas was used to jesse jackson and al sharpton and they got comfortable writing us off with them two niggas. cos they speak so well, right? respect to those niggas, but they dont elicit the same feelings obama does, and rightfully so. obama finna stiff arm these niggas right into the white house on some walter payton shit and they werent even ready cos the nigga came outta nowhere. they wanna his lack of experience as their defense now, that he aint 'seasoned' and hes like, 'nah nigga, i got this, fall back.' these right wing, fox news ass niggas WISH we still only had jesse jackson. we runnin up in all your shit and yall dont even know what to do. basketball, baseball, football, golf, white girls, politics? dont be mad o'reilly, yall still got hockey.

peace,
piff

petition to get me some hyperdunks

2008-07-08T00:02:00.003-04:00

For real, Nike needs to hold me down with some of them Back to the Future kicks. yall niggas seen that video Cheeks and I made back in the day. someone link that shit to Nike and tell them dudes to holler at me, i rock a size 12.

best western

2008-07-02T21:38:00.002-04:00

yo I was watching a best western commercial and them joints are individually owned and operated.
I wanna buy a best western and hook it up on some trill ass shit with like, ultra wild rainbow fountains with unicorns and dancing bears and pizza buffets and shit. I'd be in the commercal in a tiger patterned velour sean john sweatsuit whippin around some nunchucks telling niggas to come to my hotel. The rooms would have themes and you could get bacon and milkshakes 24/7. Gangster shit

Don't get mad, get money.

2008-06-30T18:46:00.006-04:00

sup you guys. money is tight, getting tighter. we see whats going on in the country and the world lately, and its probably not going to improve, so i wanted to drop some gems for my people out there who are trying to get their money up. now is the time niggas need to think outside the box, or find a way to sell the box itself cos shit finna get grimey. ive compiled a list of really good ideas that might help you get a little ahead of the pack and get a better handle on current inflation, gas prices, etc.

Of course we have the default side hustles:

selling drugs:
(normally a good gig, you always get money, but you should be good at math, plus you'd have stuff to rap about, if you like to rap, so thats good. having to always deal with junkies and baseheads would be grating if youre not too dope with the personality and you're not into the barter system (Reference: O-dawg) medium risk cake, great payoff

pimpin:

hangin out with hot chicks all day is tight, and they give you money, but girls talk about stupid shit, so if its a slow day on the block, you wont get money, and the girls will probably talk about stupid shit like nancy grace and ellen, which would suck to have to listen to unles youre gay, but youre a pimp, so just tell them hoes to shut that shit up. low risk cake, variable payoff, listening to chicks babble

stealing shit:
[tv's, shoes, cars, etc.] this is in the manual labor spectrum of side hustles. its too much work to move the shit afterwards (unless youre stealing like, food to eat, in which case you need a primary hustle before even considering any of the side hustles to be mentioned momentarily. this is for EXTRA cake, not scraps to live on.) you'd probably do this if you were bad at math, and had bad breath cos math skills would lean you towards pushing coke, and bad breath means no hoes will talk to you, nullifying pimpin unless you pimp deaf bitches cos you know ASL or something, then thats just dope, and respectable. basically, stealing is the least skill heavy of the three, unless you're stealing people, spacecrafts or money in the millions and above. hish risk cake,variable to low payoff, unless youre on some oceans 11 shit

we all know aobut those gigs, but lets EXPAND for a second. lets get real. everyone sells drugs and pimps nowadays, the markets are drying up. im talking about some real CREATIVE, ENTREPRENEUR type shit my niggas, peep game. just put a flair on your hustle, and proceed to Caketown!

1. selling guns:
decent gig, the money is good, and if you do good enough, travel is included (Reference: Lord of War). but you gotta be not afraid of guns, and know how to use them, so you dont shoot yourself or something, cos then you gotta either die or drive yourself to some dude hanging out who is like, yeah, i can fix that, you dont have to explain your mortal gunshot wound to me or verify your health care provider. let me rub some fire on it. low risk cake, high payoff, unless you get shot, or its combined with Job 4.

2. stealing tires:
not sure why anyone would want to do this, unless they just like tires. seems like too much work, gotta find matching tires, gotta make sure you take em off properly, gotta make sure theres no holes in em, i mean, where does it end? youd need to run around with a jack and shit. not a good look when explaining to hoes, or rapping about being on the grind either. no one wants to hear about how you youre a tire stealing boss cos everyone knows its a lie. medium risk cake, wack risk payoff

3. selling people/body parts:
people are harder to sell/transport cos they are alive and will cry and fight back and shit; and if you drug them, then they're just heavy, and you might as well be stealing a tv cos at least it doesn't smell like garlic butter and farts. body parts is prolly the better choice, its just like being an organ deliveryman. but you cant be grossed out by stuff like blood and hearts and severed limbs and heads and brains. you might want to make friends with a medical examiner or mortician, cos trust me, from experience, trying to cut someones heart out without the proper tools is impossible, that dudes chant from temple of doom doesn't work either so don't bother. mid risk cake, medium payoff

4. fake your death:
thats just like self imposed witness protection if you want it to work i guess. you cant be chillin in the same place after you do it. you gotta make sure you do everything right as well, but shit, im not sure if the research and prep alone would be worth the payoff. prolly best to get a friend to try first, and see what happens to them, and go from there. low risk cake, potentially tight payoff, remember to convince a wack friend to try it first

5. tight artist of some sort in another country:
example: 'oh, that nigga is big in japan!' be a rapper or something, but just focus your efforts on a country other than america where niggas dig your shit. prolly be hard work, and you have to know how to rap and like, read and shit, but fuck it, why not? and that way, if you dont suck, you're stacking euros and getting to see the world. legality issues are minimal hopefully, unless you're out selling drugs and body parts and pimping girls for their ovaries at your shows, but i think you'd probably want to sell drugs and body parts for a brief period beforehand, to get some ideas of what to rap about. med risk cake, medium payoff

6. Selling your/some ovaries:
mad easy and low-no risk cake for women. great payoff! im amazed more women arent lining up for this. yall got hundreds of ovaries and you can just sell as many of them joints as you want. thats essentially a secret hedge fund y'all got stored down there there. and i read in the back of some gun magazines that you can get 10 g's for one? and y'all got hundreds? thats whats up. just a note, this is extreme high risk cake for men, cos if a man is selling ovaries, then he's probably got some body parts in stock too, or else hes a pimp, either way, he's an entrepreneur. high payoff

7. Selling Blood:
Not a good idea, unless you work at one blood bank and can sell it to another on the low. still doesn't seem like a good enough payoff. id really only be able to recommend for vampires and aggressive investors. high risk cake, low payoff, unless you just like drinking blood

8. life coach:
i think this is the best idea here, next to selling ovaries. this is actually what im trying to get into right now. you just follow someone around for a long time, yelling bench pressing mottos to them and slapping cigarettes out of their mouth when they cave in on trying to quit. give them a hug at the end of the day and make them do stupid exercises and front like its for a good reason. and thats it. low risk cake, variable payoff (plus expenses and shit, like meals.)

9. Motivational Speaker:
similar to life coach, but just getting up in front of people and talking about how wack you used to be, and how you turned into a trill ass nigga. requires a good personality, a lot of yelling, sweaty armpits and call and response skills. even tho its required to have a good personality and sweaty armpits, fat people are discouraged from trying to get money this way, cos no room full of people anywhere is going to be convinced you conquered anything except baskin robbins. thats bad for business fam. low risk cake, variable payoff, unless youre fat, then low to no payoff

10. printing your own money:
super gangsta high risk cake. of course, this would be for the seasoned hustle veteran. the nigga that can peep game in reverse and shit. the risk is there, but its because of the payoff of infinity dollars. it would be pure gangsta shit to print up all your own money and pay NASA to blow up the moon. you'll want to have experience in almost everything listed above, especially selling drugs, cos thats gonna be your first chance to try to use fake shit to stack cake. super gangsta high risk cake, Armageddon inducing payoff of tightness

11. investing in stock: :
actually not something i recommend right now, unless you're maybe trying to trade in commodities or some shit. you're really better off with body parts or selling blood. medium risk cake, payoff not guaranteed, boring to boot

12. professional strip club dancing teacher/manager:
face it managing strippers would be awesome. you teach em how to dance? you're just dancing with strippers all day. just walk around and count and snap a lot and look mad. who cares what you teach them, its not like strip club dancing is real difficult. its like being a life coach for naked chicks. step one: make it clap, step two: graduation. done. tell em to learn that pole shit on their own and your business is bulletproof! your office is a strip club, boobies/steak everywhere. and you get to book em for showings and and shit, i dunno man, maybe my job duties are a bit inaccurate, but it'd be around naked chicks, am i wrong? pimping/dancing experience would be best. low risk cake, variable payoff

so there you go man, theres TWELVE different types of side gigs you could do. Thinkin outside the box, and coming up with fun shit that serves yourself, the community and the world. and theres tons more, just get wild with it. get the brain juice flowing and fulfill that demand for something that no one else, or not many people are doing! now lets get this paper.

My apologies for wasting your time: Random tracks to bump

happy fourth yo, i got my stimulus check, im finna make it rain......on my bills. tadow.

How long has Eddie Murphy been dead to you?

2008-06-26T12:43:00.005-04:00

ever talked to your friends about actors, directors, musicians, etc. that have undoubtedly 'fallen off?' the convo might go something like this (provided you arent talking with a hipster elitist snob, cos they stop liking anyone once other people learn about them):

"yo nigga, what do you think of John Woo?"

"yo, that nigga was dope until they let him into America. he made 'face/off' and then just made wack ass movie after wack ass movie. they shoulda never gave that nigga money!"

or:

"yo son, i love ll cool j, no homo, what do you think of him?"

"ll cool j is dope up until like, 93. then after that, all his songs were for bitches. and since im not a bitch, i cant really feel the shit, nahmean? i still bump and respect his old joints tho, fa sho."

"What have you done for me lately eddie?"

people fall off, some stay 'off', some careers are resurrected, some aren't. i was watching 'mad about you' reruns on tv land this week, no homo, when some new Eddie Murphy movie trailer came on. needless to say, it looked like the worst movie he's done, since the last movie he's done. since talking to the television is something i inherited from my father, i found myself saying to the TV before the end of the preview: 'Eddie, you're dead to me.'

but from there, i started thinking, wait, if this 'Meet Dave' movie made me think eddie was dead to me, what about his other horrible movies, ie, everything since 1994? so i bought up his list of work on IMDB, and was able to confirm, that, with the exception of one to two projects, Eddie Murphy, the comic legend who gave us RAW, Delirious, numerous SNL skits, Coming to America and the Beverly Hills Cop trilogy, died, to me, 14 years ago, in 1994 of injuries sustained while shooting stunt scenes in Wonder World on the set of Beverly Hills Cop 3.

now if you want to debate some of his late 90's flicks, like 'Life' and 'Bowfinger,' i think those were OK, but nowhere near Eddie in his prime. i prefer to call those, 'posthumous releases.' i won't discuss any other movies with anyone reading this. not the Shrek jawns cos i ain't seen em, and anything else you want to bring up from 95-2k8 will make me think less of you as a person. seriously, look at IMDB and look at the list of movies from 96-2008. i dare anyone to try to validate any of these movies as anything other than epic failures.

now, any of you guys responding with some stupid shit like, 'but his movies make money!' no shit sherlock, almost any movie can make money, look at those ridiculous fantastic four movies! i watched ten minutes of one and i could feel my brain disintegrating, yet it made milllllions at the box office.

theres no doubt he gets mad cake off his flicks, but he's got to deal with the stigma of being completely wack and worthless now. the only thing separating him from being in straight to DVD flicks with 'nestle snipes' is that he's cornered the fat suit comedy market, and he's got a better accountant.

i still think he has potential to be funny, just like i think john woo has potential to make a good movie if America would deport him back to china and put him back on shoestring budgets and whirlwind schedules. but theres never any going back, no matter how badly we would all appreciate it. Eddie Murhpy, the nigga from Raw, is dead. he'd been replaced by Norbit. at this point, i think Robert Mugabe can probably make a funnier movie about his political career than Eddie could make about pretty much anything.

*i would say the same thing goes for Cuba Gooding jr, but that nigga just got his Oscar and gave up on life completely. that nigga must have the worst agent in the world. how do you go from 'Jerry Maguire' to Boat Trip? duke musta gone to the Corey Haim school of surviving in Hollywood. shit.

Eddie Murphy: 1961 - 1994. You were gone too soon my nigga. The good die young. But its better this way.

peace,
piff

lesbians

2008-06-16T01:07:00.002-04:00

call it what you want, but i don't understand why lesbians aren't out here trying to pull hot bitches like every dude is. i mean, i know a lesbian isn't just a dude brain in a chick body, cos if that were the case, they'd be out snagging up every hot chick they could, leaving us dudes with our dicks in hand, settling for 3.5's or real dolls.

its probably economically feasible to just be straight if youre only trying to moke out ugly chicks. youre just wasting the shock value of it yknow? i mean, look, if youre a chick, and you like bangin out chicks, as any dude would tell you, thats mad mad mad tight, but why bang out ugly chicks openly? keep it on the DL at least like we do, cos doing that shit openly, thats like you wasting the gay god gave you. if youre gonna bang ugly chicks, you might as well just start banging dudes. once you get below like, a 3.5, its a shame no matter who it is anyways.

The 'Drop Science with Pictures Section:'

if you told me lady one is homo, and her gf is mad hot, ima be all like,

"damn jo, thats awesome, i wish i had a zero graviy chamber to hang out in, maybe i could invite them in for wine and cheeses and maybe they'll make out and i can be all like, im progressive, so thats cool with me."

but if you tell me lady two is a homo, and her girlfriend looks like big worm with a dress on, ima be like:

"yo, that shit is wack, stop talking to me while i eat this sandwich."

but still, i mean, i guess i understand butch hos more than the other types of lezzes, cos they are on some manly nigga shit, so maybe they wanna be lovin on some fine ass homo chick, cos they pretend that they're dudes anyways(and they always look like lumberjacks or greasers, weird). so they are thinkin like dudes in a sense.

in the long run, im glad lesbians dont think like dudes on the whole, cos i mean, bitches know what bitches like more than niggas, so that'd be some extra unnecessary competition if i was havin to box out butches on my way to talk to one in the club. i guess im glad lesbians dont holler at the hot ones, maybe the hot lezzes will get bored of not getting hollered at and then ill be like,

"yo girl, i got me some wine and cheese, whats really good?" and shell be like,

"yo, pepperjack is really good,"

and ill be like,

"word up girl, i got that right here with some prosciutto and cottage cheese, which is all for you cos i think that shit is gross personally, but would you like a tour of my zero gravity chamber?"

and you know what happens after that.

this is funny:

steve jobs, i have some tips on improving the iphone.

2008-05-14T14:13:00.004-04:00

i dunno how many of you have this problem, you probably won't admit to it, but those of us that have iPhones, or just any cell phone in general that has that feature, i think its called iTap English? where you can type a word out, and the phone will try to anticipate what you're typing? its pretty dope, but theres a flaw. some words it doesn't recognize, so im forced to type them out, mainly slang terms and racial slurs, moreso the slurs. i think ALOT of people would appreciate not having to type n-bombs(or whatever word you use on the regular) all the way out when sending texts, it would really be a time saver. and anyways, wtf is a nigha? thats not even a word! come on Mr. Jobs and iTap folks, step it up for us urban rap types and bigots please. we need to efficientize our time spent communicating as much as the next nigha, if not more. just a thought.

your friend in technology advancement,
piff tannen

lionel richie owns your life.

2008-05-11T22:24:00.005-04:00

yo man, im probably late to the game on this, but corn is completely pointless, unless in popcorn form. in regular corn form, that shit is not necessary for human living. think about it, you eat some, i dunno, lets say you eat some mangos and sticky rice, right? its good and tasty and shit, and you're lovin' on that shit. then after a few hours, you're like, oh snap nigga, its time to splat up the toilet, and you proceed to do so. the end product is doodoo brizown, right? but if you threw corn into your mango and sticky rice meal, youd have corn in your mango and sticky shit. so eating corn is like eating marbles i guess. itll make you feel full, and if you want, you can pick it outta the shit logz afterwards and use it again. well, yall can do that, not me. that could be some new ill torture shit, fuck water boarding, lets just make niggas eat mad mad mad corn, then shit it out, then you just boil it up and make them eat it over and over again, and see what happens. but like, dont tell them they are eating their own shitty corn splat, boil it and clean it up and serve it really good, with garlic and butter and shit. and then theyll just be confused at the torture method, and will probably offer up some info on some juicy terror tidbits cos they are like,

'well, the last niggas had me naked and humping that fat nigga al-awad in some polaroids, these niggas is serving me corn constantly, and theyre putting mad delectable seasonings on it, maybe theyll let me go if i just tell them about whats going on..'

its as simple as that.

i was talkin with the homie wille stabka this past week and he was tellin me how his brother called him a hater cos he wasn't diggin on one of his new beats. from there we started talkin about how the term 'hater' is becoming way too overused lately. not liking something isn't hatin, yo. we all know that tho, and common said it best, 'if i dont like it, i dont like it, it dont mean that im hatin.' i think the same thing is starting to happen with 'PWNed.' i got sent a youtube link this morning of some lady 'pwning' some fox news anchorho, and i watched it, waiting for the pwning to happen, and it never came. maybe i have set my pwnage levels too high, or maybe people want to use pwn so much that they use is haphazardly, and out of context, and we all know that to be an epic fail.

my cousin is gearing up to move to Sacramento this summer. unlike me, hes planning his trip out there and it should be a successful move. ive been trying to make him think that as soon as he crosses the state line hes going to immediatley start 'thizzin' and screaming stupid shit like 'yi yi yi' and 'yadidamean,' or 'yadidabooboo,' as ive heard it, while dancing around slowly moving unmanned vehicles.

i cant front, i fux with some of that bay area rap shit, but not really the whole crazy dancing, baby talk jibber jabber or ecstasy infatuation, but whenever i hear the shit, i immediately think of the scene from chasing amy, where jay and silent bob hve learned about their bluntman and chronic comic book. i feel like todays generation of dedicated thizz face hyphy dumb niggas are going to look back at that shit in ten years and react like Jay did:

34 year old hyphy thizz face dumb nigga:
man, that ain't like us at all, all slapsticky and shit,
runnin around schoolbuses, on E, like a couple of dickheads,
saying... what's that shit they got us saying, nigga?

34 year old hyphy dumb nigga 2
Oh, um, yadidamean? yi yi yi? yadidabooboo?

34 year old hyphy thizz face dumb nigga:
Exactly! Who the fuck talks like that? That is fucking
baby talk nigga! I'm a grown ass man!
Can't you see my button down shirt!?

its going to be a sobering realization alot of niggas is gonna come to. but at least for us, itll be hilarious to witness. happy mother's day.

-piff

mo' music fo' that azz:
too short, chuck mangione, reef the lost cause, a new remix and more on my muxtape jawn. please dont sleep, especially on reef.

tell ellen page to holler at me.

2008-04-24T23:31:00.005-04:00

what up niggas, im a genius, yeah, thats what ive been up to. i been away for a bit, scheming up some shit. yall niggas seen 'chasing amy,' you know whats up about lesbos turning straight and shit. well, fuck all that, im finna pull some 'chasing amy' meets 'indiana jones and the temple of doom' type shit nahmean?

so way back the fuck in january i think, or february, i dont remember exactly, actually i think both months, i was in california. in santa barbara to be more specific. at the film festival out there. and i was volunteering at that joint, and them niggas made me like, 'road barricade' detail, which i didnt mind, cos i aint big on being around other people.

long story short, i was the dude letting celebrity niggas onto the red carpet street to do their, 'what up nigga im famous' type shit. so on the second or third night, im out there, textin my nigga andy about some dumb shit probably(cos thats how we do right), and that night i was supposed to be letting in casey afflect, ellen page, amy ryan, some irish nigga from 'atonement,' and some french chick, marion cotillard, she was bangin. so whatever. thats whats up. also, fuck santa barbara police. get a real job niggas, like, working at motherfucking arbys making me some beast ass roast beef and cheddar shits and some curly fries nigga.

long story short, im tryin to get tight and get my hollywood holla on with that 'juno' chick, but my nigga lavinia said that she on some homo steez. which i refuse to believe, but gay niggas can usually tell when other niggas is homo right? so what can i do?

i can do alot of shit son, thats whats up. i got this under control. ima just pull some 'chasing amy,' 'ben afflect with bad teeth' shit and convert her over to 'fuckin with niggas-ality.' but not only that, to appease the homo gods or what have you, not upset the 'balance', ima get my indiana jones on. ima roll up in the spot, spit some fresh nigga holler game, the likes of which have never been spit before(or lately, as least) scoop that jawn in one fell swoop, while leaving behind a bag of sand acquired from pitkins, labeled,

'replacement homo chick.'
-one love, piff'

that way, no one loses. damn straight. how many niggas you know thats sponsored by Nike AND Mensa? exactly.

dictated, not read,
-piff

Back from nowheres with new shit son.

2008-04-14T14:13:00.002-04:00

what up, i aint blogged in awhile, so ill give yall a quick update and then some new hotness.

1. got a new job.
2. growing a rick ross beard.
3. renewed house lease.
4. made a new song.
5. last but not least, a new tall tee video is available. fuck obama, clinton, mccain, ron paul, these cats is not seeing the gems Tall Tee is droppin on the world. check the science.

ill be back later to talk more about my rick ross beard, and how samson (of the bible) should have taken advice from darth vader, that way he might not have gotten all week. money over bitches, its as simple as that. peace

On High Fives, Strip Club Etiquette, Applause and Texas Hold Em

2008-03-02T23:55:00.004-05:00

yo, whats poppin playas?

poker has been mad popular these last few years. well, all the time of course, but im talking specifically Texas hold em and shit, they play it on espn now if you haven't been around. shits kinda cool except for one thing, the fact that these niggas be showing up to the games in sunglasses and hats and ninja masks and burkahs and all that shit. fuck that nonsense man, play like they did back in the cowboy days and shit, and learn how to lie. and carry a pistol if you suspect a nigga rife with bitchassness(thanks, puff) to be cheatin. these corny celebrity poker ass niggas with hologram sunglasses and shit killed the art of the bluff. congratulations. fuck yall niggas tho, i can still smell a liar a mile away. for the most part. like if you tell me you got mcdonalds, and i dont smell it, ima be like nigga u lyin, but if you were on the phone, id probably believe you.

also, why do i have to clap for a stripper when she finishes dancing? did a nigga walk into a titty bar or a t-ball game? i encountered this at Camelot in dc(which was wack, except for the fact that bitches get naked, but thats a given).

some wack strippers would get up to do they shit, and at the end, the other girls would encourage everyone to clap. fuck that son, this ain't a recital.i didn't just watch an 8 year old bumblefuck thru the moonlight sonata, i watched some lady do a below average job of shaking her titties for money. 'phoning it in,' thats a good description.

and im not the only one who thinks that way, all my niggas in the club hate that shit, im just speaking out about it. you know how i know? cos it sounds like the applause you might hear when someone no one cares about walks across the stage at graduation. yeah, thats the applause, i don't care what situation you're in, that applause doesn't make you feel any better.

in fact, thats how i feel about all applause, personally. its absolutely worthless to me, other than at college graduation, where it helped me wake up and stand up when i needed to get in line to get my diploma. ok, other than that, its worthless to me. especially at bowling alleys when you get a strike, or a strip club when someone finishes dancing.

matter of fact, i also hate giving high fives at sporting events, since im being honest. i am happy that you got a strike, however, i dont want to high five you for it, unless we are on the same team, or im trying to enter the pantalones. and even then, im probably still not super stoked on giving you a high five. its not you, its me, i just dont care about sports enough to want to celebrate anything. that being said, i DO enjoy high fives(but not applause, at all, anywhere/time). i enjoy high fives during events/occasions such as:

The Occasion: (Type of Five Given)

1. sweet, i got a new job! (high five, possibly jumping five)

2. sweet, we got an extra burrito with our order! (high five, jumping high five if noticed before getting into the car)

3. sweet, two chicks at once! (high five, jumping high five, triple jumping high five with maybe even an added spin, if chicks consent)

4. sweet, not guilty! (lawyer high five, prosecution diss high five, triple jumping high five with parents, no spin because they are older and cant be moving all super agile like me and shit)

5. sweet, free concert ticket (air guitar high five)

so yeah, this was pretty random, but to sum it up:

1. Wearing masks and towels and sunglasses on your face during poker = you're a homo.

2. I hate applause.

3. I like high fives when not paired with sporting events.

4. I like seeing naked ladies, but i will not clap for them, i will give them a high five though... unless they start trying to like, post up on me or something. then i will set a pick and shut that shit down. dont bring the rock to my house weak, i dont care if you're naked or not.

I'll be in Kentucky until Thursday i think. sucks cos im gonna miss the cadence weapon show up in dc. check it out if youre in the area, dudes dope. check him out here:

peace,
piff

Blast from the Past Dudes.

2008-02-26T12:02:00.002-05:00

i dont have anything to say at the moment, so im leaving you guys with an old blog. sort of like a clip show rerun of a sitcom. enjoy this joint from almost 3 years ago, when randy jackson of american idol, journey, and blackest lips ever fame came thru for a guest blog. he talked about american idol, his time in journey, and some little known tidbits about his career. interesting shit. check it out.

WHATS UP DAWGS! THIS IS RANDY JACKSON. I PLAYED BASS IN JOURNEY AND I HAVE REALLY BLACK LIPS. I WANTED TO DROP BY MY MAIN DUDE PIFF'S BLOG TO CLEAR THE AIR.

I WAS PLAYING A KILLER BLINGED OUT BASS SOLO WITH MY LIPS AT A SHOW ONE NIGHT IN MADISON WISCONSIN AND SOMEONE THREW WATER AT MY AMP AND I WAS ELECTROCUTED. I WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE, BUT GOD BLESSED ME, AND I CAME OUT UNSCATHED, EXCEPT FOR MY EXTREMELY BLACK LIPS. THIRD DEGREE BURNS DUDES. BUMMER.

ANYWAYS, I HAVE BLACK LIPS. KEEP ON ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD DAWGS, KEEP IT REAL. COWABUNGA MY LIPS ARE SO BLACK. BLACK AS NIGHT. I LIKE TO STARE AT PAULA BOOBS DURING COMMERCIALS. MY LIPS ARE LIKE, SO BLACK, HANG TEN DAWGS. OH YEAH, LIKE THIS IS MY DAWG SEACREST. DONT HATE ON THE CREST. ITS NOT HIS FAULT HES ONLY 4'8. WE HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER COS WE ARE GAY. BUT THATS NOT WHAT IM HERE TO TALK ABOUT TONIGHT. GOD MADE HIM THAT WAY, JUST LIKE HE MADE MY LIPS SO BLACK.

LIKE, THOU LORD IS A VENGEFUL GOD DUDES. TAKE MY BLACK LIPS AS AN EXAMPLE. I SUCK AT LIFE. I WAS ORIGINALLY TED THEODORE LOGAN IN BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, BUT THE DIRECTOR FIRED ME COS MY BLACK LIPS WERE SO BLACK HE COULDNT THINK STRAIGHT WHEN I WAS ON SET. HE SAID HE HAD NEVER SEEN ANYTHING AS BLACK AS MY BLACK LIPS. MY LIPS ARE SO BLACK. COWABUNGA. SOMETIMES I THINK THE COKE I DRINK ON AMERICAN IDOL MAKES MY LIPS BLACKER. BUT THEN I THINK, MY LIPS ARE LIKE, NONE MORE BLACK DUDES. I ALSO HAVE ARTHRITIS IN MY HANDS. COWABUNGA!

BLACK LIPS.

Wesley Snipes is an Asshole...

2008-02-22T02:37:00.002-05:00

...but its not really his fault.

he plays constant assholes in movies, and like, because being in movies jacks your normal life perception type shit up, he thinks like, thats normal nigga interaction.

so yeah, overall, hes a good actor and all, because he plays a good asshole, but then when you meet him, its like shit, this wesley snipes nigga is really an asshole, he actually talked to me like that, like hes on the fuckin set of that skydiving movie!

so yeah, i guess hes just an asshole in real life and no one ever called him out on it like, "yo nigga, you aint actin like an asshole, YOU REALLY AN ASSHOLE. you aint even acting nigga, you just hanging out saying lines."

if thats the case, then i think wesley snipes is a genius.