Contrast Makes Reality

8 Days Later

2008-01-08T01:24:00.000-06:00

Here's our yearly wrap-up of 2007.

8 days later.

Jay-Z, American Gangster

ALASKA: More like Boring McBoringson

KALEL: My favorite album of his since Blueprint. But then again I'm a sucker for strings and guitars.

VANDERSLICE: Old Dog with Old Tricks.. wack beats, wack raps, Jigga man should've called upon Just Blaze.

REGGIE: I think it's great that Hova was inspired by a movie to return to his glory years of rapping about drug dealing.

PIFF: I watched the story tellers. it was aiight, but i didnt check out the album cos the 9 hour movie took up all my time and interest.

PHILAFLAVA: Album came and went. Much better than Kingdom Come but after the leaks hit this album had very little replay. "Fallin," Say Hello" and "Ignorant Shit" are all some of my favorite songs of '07..

Radiohead's "Free or Outrageously Expensive" album release

KALEL: Great idea, but I don't like the ideas it spawned.

ALASKA: Freelicious

PIFF: It would be free for me either way. Donations is just another way to say "free."

VANDERSLICE: I've never listened to Radiohead, but I like the idea. I wonder how much money they made.

PHILAFLAVA: One of the best albums of the year. And a revolutionary change for music.

REGGIE: I understand that one must purchase this album to become an Omega-Level Scientologist.

Kanye West vs. 50 Cent

ALASKA: About as exciting as Rocky Balboa.

REGGIE: Kanye should have Just Blaze pass 50 Cent a note in homeroom. It's obvious that they "like" like each other.

KALEL: My favorite artist of 2007. "Stronger" still knocks the shit out of "I Get Money"

VANDERSLICE: I wish it would have had a 2Pac & Biggie effect where they both died.

PHILAFLAVA: Who cares? Both their albums were extremely underwhelming, but I suppose Kanye won the battle, although I'm sure he could care less after losing the biggest asset in his life.

DJ Khaled: Really the beeeeessssst?

KALEL: Reminds me of the kid at the lunch table that wasn't really cool, he just lived next door to the cool kids so he was "cool by geographical association".

ALASKA: Isnt he an Arab? How has Homeland Security allowed this to happen.

VANDERSLICE: Not even second best, or third best.. or good period.

PHILAFLAVA: I can't wait for his stomach to explode like Stay Puft and all of South Beach will be covered in marshmallows.

REGGIE: DJ Khaled is like an inexperienced chef that puts too many ingredients in his soup. Or, more literally, orders a soup from a restaurant that has too many ingredients in it. Then he adds motor oil.

PIFF: I don't know how many dicks this dude had to suck to get to where he is at, but he must have done a great job to be able to yell over ginormous posse cuts that sound like all the rappers do is watch old episodes of Miami Vice. I mean really good, cock and balls into the mouth at once.

Lil Wayne: Greatest Rapper Alive(?)

PIFF: No.

ALASKA: Had his moment, then of course that moment ended and the hilarity began.

KALEL: He stinks. If this was 1994 he'd be boo'ed out the game for biting someone elses style.

VANDERSLICE: I'd rather be deaf than listen to Lil Wayne.

REGGIE: I started to get into his music once I realized that he is severely mentally retarded.

PHILAFLAVA: He's top 5 current, but he isn't even close to be labeled the greatest anything. In fact, when he retires I'd be surprised if anyone had this dude on their top 25 list. He's schtick is entertaining, kinda like Noreaga back in in the late 90's, but just because you keep up with pop culture and constantly make reference to 80's throwbacks despite being born in 1982, doesn't make you the greatest anything except hype.

The UGK album everyone hyped up pre-release and subsequently stopped talking about the minute it dropped

VANDERSLICE: UGK.. one down.. one to go..

ALASKA: I met Bun B in Houston, he was hella cool.

REGGIE: RIP Pimp C.

KALEL: I'm a big fan of UGK, and I don't even think Houston was excited about the album until Pimp C died. Sad state.

PIFF: RIP Pimp C, I ain't heard it yet. I'm still listenin to "Ridin Dirty".

PHILAFLAVA: I blame this on the leaked material. It was a double album and more than half was leaked months (even a year for some) before it dropped. It is still one of the best LP's of '07, if not the best,.

Transformers: The Movie

ALASKA: I hate cars and robots.

PIFF: I knew which Transformer was the black one as soon as I saw him.

KALEL: Check on the rep, yep, second to none. Dope movie.

PHILAFLAVA: Didn't see. But I adore Fox so I plan on it

VANDERSLICE: No soundwave, no Vanderslice. Fuck that new wave shit

REGGIE: I'm glad they distinguished the theatrical release as The Movie, as opposed to Transformers: The Overhyped Marketing Campaign or Transformers: The Toy Brand Desperately Clung To By Hapless Thirty-somethings.

The Simpsons Movie

ALASKA: I fell asleep three different times.

KALEL: Eighty minutes of pink frosted covered goodness. Could've been more, but good enough for me.

VANDERSLICE: Skipped it. The Simpsons haven't been dope in 10 years.

REGGIE: The first third was pretty funny, then it fell off. A microcosm for the entire series.

PIFF: I bought the DVD but still havent watched it. If the movie cant top the "Treehouse of Horrors" with the vomiting frog, I will be disappointed.

PHILAFLAVA: This was equivalent to Kanye's Graduation album.

Live Free or Die Hard

PIFF: Die Hard is right, it took forever for people to die in this clusterfuck of a movie. Live Gay or Die Gay should be this movie's name.

ALASKA: Has that dude in it.

VANDERSLICE: Skipped it, Die Hard with a Vengeance was the absolute rooftop for the series.

REGGIE: Well of course Bruce Willis can live free, he gets Social Security and Medicare. I would live free too if I had a nurse to feed me prunes and wipe my bottom.

PHILAFLAVA: Didn't see because I hate that Apple commercial dude.

300

PHILAFLAVA: Good, but overhyped by net nerds and virgins.

ALASKA: Only thing gayer than Will and Grace.

KALEL: Biggest dissapointment for me. Really looked forward to it, Heard great things about it. Then I saw it.... It was like watching a really cool music video, but that's about it.

PIFF: All historical/social gripes aside, this is a man's movie. I was almost moved to tears at the end. No homo.

VANDERSLICE: Stupid romans.. I never seen this, nor will I ever.

REGGIE: I thought the title was a description of the movie's length in minutes, so I passed on it.

TMNT

ALASKA: Is that anything like YOTMB??

KALEL: Loved it!

VANDERSLICE: I didn't see this either.. Casey Jones was that dude.. was he in it?

REGGIE: I'm glad that someone finally went and did a more realistic movie about mutant turtles that do kung-fu under the guidance of a wizened rat.

Are We Done Yet?

PIFF: Ice Cube is still trying to release gangsta albums afer making these movies. Historical status aside in rap, nigga, are you done making garbage ass movies yet?

ALASKA: Sadly, Ice Cube fell off and now he is dragging Katt Williams and Tracy Morgan down with him.

VANDERSLICE: Ice Cube went from the wrong nigga to fuck wit' to the house nigga to hang out wit'. I don't know how he looks in the mirror, even with those huge bags of cash it's abominable.

REGGIE: I can't wait to sit my child down and explain that the same person guest-starring on Sesame Street ain't the one to get played like a pooh-butt.

PHILAFLAVA: I don't have kids and I don't care to see Ice Cube act, so no.

Spider-Man 3

PHILAFLAVA: Didn't see this either. The teeth on Dunst bother me so much that I have avoided most of the Spider man movies.

VANDERSLICE: I didn't like this movie at all. The Sandman? In a real live action movie... Stupid idea, even sand packed and wet isn't doin' shit.. just get a vacuum.. real stupid movie.

ALASKA: Watched it in Boise on IMAX. It sucked about as much as anything has ever sucked, it actually might have sucked more than everything that has ever sucked combined. Oh and Kirsten Dunst on a forty-foot HD screen is terrifying.

KALEL: I thought the dancing scene was hilarious personally, but it wasn't my favorite of the 3. Some of you nerds need to get a hold of yourselves and stop letting little shit ruin movies for you.

REGGIE: It was clever to pit the superhero against a spider's natural enemy: sand.

PIFF: Movie was garbage. I could kick this Spider-Man's ass. He used to be my favorite super hero, and now he is a flaming homo doing the tango in a bar. Also, im glad to see Topher Grace playing venom the same way he played Eric Foreman. Judging from that, I could kick Venom's ass too.

Knocked Up

REGGIE: I thought this was a boxing movie.

ALASKA: Saw it mad times.

VANDERSLICE: I never saw it for one reason or another, I just remember hearing the lead role bitch in a movie called Knocked Up doesn't get naked.. so I passed for lack of realism.

PHILAFLAVA: I thought it was great when it first came out, then I went back to it and realize it wasn't as great, but still really good.

Superbad

PHILAFLAVA: Great movie. This is like the American Pie of the new generation. I can see people going back to this a lot. A lot of memorable stuff.

ALASKA: Michael Cera is gold.

KALEL: Sooooooo glad the "McLovin" fad has died down. Wonderful movie though.

VANDERSLICE: The best movie to come out in 2007 EASILY.

REGGIE: Honestly, I wasn't so impressed by this movie. I thought the McLovin stuff with the cops was great, but otherwise the story seemed awkward and unformed. The jokes were so transparent that you got them before the set-up was done, and then they drove them into the ground. It is a good movie, just not as funny as it was hyped to be.

PIFF: Great flick, not as funny as Knocked Up to me, but still solid as shit. I want to stick my face in Katherin Keigl's buttcheeks and fall asleep.

Iraq

ALASKA: We are about a quarter of the way through this war.

KALEL: Even with the war and protests against it, we still aren't seeing demonstrations akin to those seen in the 60's and 70's. Iraq has exposed more about the American people than the American government.

VANDERSLICE: The Iraqi people have been at war forever, democracy isn't going to stop it.

REGGIE: The first thing we need to do is stop them from using the letter Q inappropriately. Everything else will fall into place.

PIFF: Call of Duty 4

PHILAFLAVA: "It's the bomb baby, the bomb baby…"

Looming war in Iran

ALASKA: Not as good as the original.

KALEL: Not looking forward to it. Can't all of these disputes be settled in the Olympics like the good ol' days?

VANDERSLICE: Rocky 7 fights in the Sudan.. cause If I can change.. WE can change.. EVERYBODY CAN CHANGEEEE

REGGIE: Come back Ayatolla Khomeni! All is forgiven!

PIFF: Call of Duty 5

Lisa Marie Nowak, the astronaut that drove to Florida wearing Pampers in an attempt to kidnap her lover

ALASKA: I mean who hasnt done this

PHILAFLAVA: I think Galvatron should turn this bitch out.

KALEL: Houston represent!

VANDERSLICE: Asians in Times Square did the same thing just to see the ball drop. I admire the dedication.

REGGIE: I like how the general reaction was like, "Oh, this lady drove across three states to kidnap her former lover and use sexual torture devices on him in her makeshift dungeon…but she wore DIAPERS? That bitch is CRAZY!"

PIFF: White people.

Nancy Pelosi (Democrat) becomes Speaker of the House

PHILAFLAVA: I have such a hard-on for this broad. She is truly a piece of ass.

ALASKA: I think her last name means 'ball' in Spanish

KALEL: Who?

VANDERSLICE: I wonder if she bakes cookies for congressional meetings.

REGGIE: I think she's a great person to represent the ineffectualness of the Democratic party.

PIFF: Democrats and Republicans are the same. This is not news.

Bob Barker leaves The Price Is Right

KALEL: The most electrifying man in game show history. And he fucks mad bitches.

ALASKA: The Grey Trapezoid's biggest victory to date.

PHILAFLAVA: Last time I saw Bob Barker on TV was when Adam Sandler beat him with a golf club.

PIFF: I mean, the nigga fought in the Civil War with Dick Clark, they both should get to retire and take a break.

VANDERSLICE: Drew Carey is addicted to hookers and gambling, what better place to be than The Price is Right?

Tony Blair resigns

ALASKA: Now he can dedicate more time to his witch project.

KALEL: ...and cleans his nose from GW's manhole.

REGGIE: I could never trust a man whose surname is a woman's first name.

VANDERSLICE: Who gives a crap.. stupid British accent.. go suck on a fag and drop dead.

PHILAFLAVA: Sell-out.

PIFF: No more gay sex for Bush when he goes overseas.

The final Harry Potter novel

VANDERSLICE: Books are for queers.

PIFF: Call me when Harmoine turns eighteen.

KALEL: Everyone I've talked to loved it. I never got into them, but I hope they make a movie out of them one day.

REGGIE: I wanted to read this, then I remember that wizards and sorcery are for nerds and gay men.

ALASKA: Was great

PHILAFLAVA: I am not a homosexual, therefore I don't read these homoerotic novels.

Barry Bonds

ALASKA: I think Congress should put all the issues of the day on the back burner and deal with this, because its important, like really important. Thank god for 24 hour sports news.

KALEL: He doesn't have a neck.

PIFF: I hate baseball and Barry Bonds is an asshole. I don't care what they do to him.

VANDERSLICE: I think they should let players use steroids and the people who don't use steroids should be allowed to use aluminum bats. Stupid Bonds is gonna end up like Lyle Alzado wearin bad headwraps and speaking in a soft HIV-like monotone voice.

PHILAFLAVA: Barry Bonds is practically O.J. without having killed anyone.

REGGIE: I think MLB should set up a separate facility for the Chemically-Enhanced Hall of Fame. Then Keith Hernandez could get in as the best player to use cocaine and Rogaine in a season.

Same Damn 'Lo Sweater

2007-11-26T03:19:00.000-06:00

I just got back from seeing Ghostface and The Rhythm Roots All Stars perform live at Warehouse Live. Show was great and it goes without saying that if you get a chance to see Toney Starks perform live you should get on that, but I'll say it anyway. One highlight of the show was when Ghost asked the crowd "Whacha'll wanna hear now? We got songs for days." And I yelled out "APOLLO KIDS!" because thats my favorite shit, and they went into it. Was it luck? Was it a good look? Or was it just the next song in the setlist? Who knows, but it still was a sweet moment for me. Definitely going to grab that Big Doe Rehab when it drops too.

On to the real topic of this post ... The holidays are amongst us and every year it seems to go the same way for me:

Family or family friend: So, what do you want for Christmas?

Me: An upscaling home theater system with HDMI and 5.1 surround sound. Or a 3.0 GHz Core 2 Duo PC with XP Media Center 2 gigs of memory and AT LEAST 400 GB hard drive. Yeah, that would help a lot with the graphic and video editing. A WACOM tablet would be nice too ....

Family or family friend: Oh ... *blank stare*

Me: Yeah ...

In the end I usually end up getting a 32MB flash drive or some sort of heavy winter sweater that I can't wear in Houston. (see how the title has a double meaning?) I don't ever expect to get anything for Christmas anyway, so I'm always glad that someone even thinks of me, but a guy can dream can't he?

So I'm going to put together a list of 5 holiday gifts any geek will appreciate and anyone who's not so tech savvy will be able to find. Here we go.

Microsoft Zune 2
$199 - $249

The Zune is underrated. The Zune is unfairly hated. The Zune is a good media player and does some things cooler than the iPod. They all have Wi-Fi and can connect through Wi-Fi to a PC for updating. Sometimes I forget to plug my iPod into my computer and I miss the latest download of Diggnation. Without having to do that I'll be sure to leave the house with all the latest music and podcasts in my library. The Zune can also connect to the Xbox 360 for video and music syncing.

Shure SE210 In Ear Headphones
$149

Just to clarify, ear canal headphones are not the same as ear buds. Ear canal headphones fit snugly into your ears and cancel outside noise for a clearer sound without requiring a high volume level. You might actually see some DJs use these in night clubs rather than the over the ear headphones because they won't blow their eardrums out trying to hear over the PA system. In any case, Shure makes some of the best headphones out there and they aren't all expensive. Chances are the lower priced Shure headphones will be a lot better than the expensive headphones you'll find at Best Buy.

The World Without Us by Alan Weisman
$15

We aren't reading enough anymore. We can't only rely on blogs and message boards to feed our literal hunger (except for this one, read this one). Alan Weisman looks into a world without humans and how it would affect everything we've created. A good buy for anyone really.

Pimp P2 Pusher Watch
$140

The coolest wristwatch ever. Designed by Tokyo Flash the P2 has 72 LED lights displaying one light per hour on the left side and one light per minute on the right. Not really for the mathematically inclined, but I think the watch is so cool that you don't need to know the math to know the time.

HP Pavillion Media Center m8100y
$750 - $2200

I've had my heart set on one of these for a while. Once I get my wallet swollen again I'll be snagging one of these along with a aluminum iMac to complete my cipher. The Pavillion m8100 comes with just about every input you could want in a media center machine and includes a HD-DVD/Blu-Ray burner. If you get one of these for the geek in your life expect free tech support from that person. For life.

There ya go, guys. Have at it.

The Most Horrifying Story Ever Told

2007-11-04T21:26:00.000-06:00

WARNING: The following story is true. All events, places, and people are real. Names have been changed to protect reputations, all except for mine which doesn't matter anyway. The following story contains graphic visualizations and not suitable for children, pregnant women, and those with weak stomachs. Read at your own discretion.

A while back I went out with some friends of mine for the weekend. At the time I was newly single and ready to get out there have fun the way a single guy only could. I never wanted to pick up a girl in a club, in my mind it's an overall bad idea. I mean it's dark, there's probably already been countless other dudes going after the same girl, people are sucking down booze ... just not my ideal environment. So going in I had the mindset that I was going to party with my buddies, listen to music and dance with girls I had no intention on ever seeing again. However, the events of that night would be the first on a long string of moments that lead to the most diabolical day in my life.

Her name was Allison. She was short and she had on a black dress with heels that screamed "Fuck me, you idiot"! From what I could tell she was good looking underneath the club lights, lasers and smoke. But I think what really enthralled me was that she approached me and started dancing with me. And boy could she dance. We danced all night until it was time to leave, and thats when I started to get a little nervous. Did she think I was going to go home with her? Was she expecting to exchange numbers? Have I been dancing with a sea donkey this whole time? Keep in mind I had no intentions on talking to this girl after the night was over so I was unprepared. Allison knew exactly what she was doing though. After we go outside I happy to see that she wasn't bad looking under normal light and didn't feel so awkward exchanging numbers after she asked if we should go out again. I saved her number, got back into the car with my compadres and heard about it for the rest of the ride home.

Over the next few weeks Allison and I hung out quite a bit. We talked on the phone a lot and we really clicked. I was happy that I had gotten back into the game and gotten a big hit at my first at bat since coming off the DL. All was right in the world ... or at least it was until that fateful night in May.

We scheduled to go out to dinner that night. Nothing too fancy, just an excuse to spend time together. I picked her up in my brand new car (I'm not mentioning this to be pretentious, it's information that will come up later) and head out to the restaurant. I don't remember exactly what she was wearing but I know for a fact she was wearing jeans and some sort of tube top/over shirt combination thing. In any case, she looked good.

After dinner, during the drive back, we were both feeling pretty randy so I zipped quickly back to her side of town so we could do the dew. Fortunately for both of us she was very impatient and started early in the car. I'm not one to preach, but I hate when people multi-task while driving so naturally I had to pull over and focus on one duty (or booty if you feel me dog, hahaha) at a time. So we're in a hotel parking lot, in the dark, going at it like two teenagers. Dry humping, grinding, dirty talk ... all of that shit that people enjoy but seem to hurry through to get to the final payoff. Not me homie; I take my sweet fucking time. During said time I proceed to make my way around to third base. And she's loving every second of it. Begging me to go harder and faster, literally giving me carpal tunnel that instant. I oblige and after she seemed to climax I pull my hand back and make a motion like I'm going to lick the sweet nectar from my fingers. As my hand gets closer to my mouth I notice that its ... dark. It's ... it's ...

Blood. Period blood. On my hands. 1/2 a centimeter from my mouth.

I yelled. No, I shrieked at the top of my lungs and completely spazzed out. I have never in my life been woozy of blood or gore but at that moment I felt like passing out. I try to open the car door in a spastic manner while Allison is frantically yelling for me to calm down. CALM DOWN!? BITCH, YOU BLED ON ME! DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! FUCK YOU, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN. Outside of the car I look around to see if theres anyone around to witness this. The parking lot is empty so I run towards to entrance of the hotel like a seven year old who just saw mommy kissing "Uncle" Bill. There's so much blood on both of my hands it looks like I committed a murder. Seriously. People are at the front desk talking about something and I as run in I don't make eye contact with any of them but I can tell they're looking at me. A Black man with blood on his hands runs madly into a hotel at 11:00 at night? Nah, doesn't look suspicious at all.

In the bathroom I turn on the water as hot as it will go and nearly empty the soap dispenser. I scrub, and scrub, and scrub. Under the fingernails, all the way up to my elbows. You'd swear I was going into surgery. I was in that bathroom for 20 minutes trying to get clean and calm down. Needless to say, I didn't get very far to Calm Town. I opened up the door and she was standing there looking like she lost her puppy. I didn't have any energy to tell her off like I wanted to ... so I just walked back to my car and she followed. On the ride back to her house she mentioned that she was a few days removed from her period and didn't think she was still on. Oh really? Thanks that makes it all better. The silver lining in all of this was that there wasn't any stains in my new car, but there was blood on the door handles. I cleaned my car like never before the next day.

Since then I haven't talked to Allison and nor do I have any desire to.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

2007-10-28T14:46:00.000-06:00

Halloween is my favorite holiday. The free candy, scaring the shit out of your friends, the weather is perfect, and girls are allowed to dress like complete sluts and get away with it. You can't get all of this with any other holiday, and yet some people don't even recognize and celebrate it. Luckily, I don't know anybody like that ... anymore.

Last weekend I was invited to a Halloween party by a friend of mine. I won't bore you with any details so I'll sum it up quickly: It was lame. Let's move on.

Last night my friend Denitra, Ericka and I went to a few Halloween parties. All of which were dope. A lot of cool people that weren't uptight if we never met them before and an abundance of fly honeys. One in particular, a sexy Lil Red Riding Hood, caught my attention from the jump and when I saw her picking at the snacks I made my way over to make small talk. I forgot her name but I do remember that she is French. She taught me how to say "This chicken is delicious" in French and she said she liked my makeup. At the end of the night I left without her contact info but that's alright ...

Man, my allergies are destroying me. I can barely keep focused with all this sinus pressure in my head. You guys are gonna have to excuse another lame update this week. I'm still kinda busy building the official website of The Braves with my buddy Lou.

I'll try to do better next time, America.

No Sleep Till Upload

2007-10-21T02:14:00.000-06:00

Hey guys, no update this week. Well, at least not this weekend. I got a influx of jobs during the week and have some deadlines to make. I'll be sure to tell you all about my Halloween party stories next week though.

Until then: Courage.

Girls + Boys, You Know It's True

2007-10-13T11:46:00.000-06:00

This update-on-Friday thing is going to have to be shifted to Saturday mornings. Sorry Reg.

I went to go see Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married last night with a few friends of mine. Not because we were excited to see the movie, we just had to leave TGIFridays and weren't ready to go home yet. As it turns out, I enjoyed the movie because I like relationship movies like this. I know ... sad. Anyway, during the course of the movie I came up with a pretty good, and potentialy funny, blog topic so here I present to you ....

3 Reasons Why I Don't Like To Go To The Movies With Black People.

We Gotta Stop Bringing Kids To Late Night Movies.

Now, I don't have any kids and I've never brought kids to the movies but when a person of another race looks at me in the line for movie, and another Black person who has a kid in their arms, we're one in the same in their eyes. So until we break these habits ALL Black people will be lumped into the same category together. I know, it sucks. The whole class is being punished for one persons actions. But c'mon Black people. We're really catching L's with this one. There was a little girl last night, maybe about 4 years old, at a 12:00AM showing. Almost on cue when the AMC screen told everybody to shut the fuck up and silence their cell phones this little girl starts crying. I don't blame the kid, she's a kid she's supposed to cry in the dark, but the parents or whoever was looking after her need be have their IQ checked. I know Tyler Perry is popular and all, but was it THAT crucial you see the movie on opening night and not leave the kid at home with a babysitter?! Fuck.

We Gotta Stop Adding Commentary To The Movie

I know this is a trendy Black stereotype that a lot of us love to claim (along with the big dicks and athletic ability) but this shit is annoying. Unless you're in the movie or your last name is Mac, Rock, Chapelle, or The Entertainer I don't want to hear you open your mouth. Shut up. You're not funny. When you're at home and watching the movie on DVD it's open season. Do you, fam. But in the theater leave the punchlines to the people in the movie.

We Gotta Stop Fighting At The Movies

What the fuck, dude? You gonna ride on a motherfucker sitting in on Mr. Woodcock?? What's the point? What are you going to prove? That little girl with the "Babygirl" tattoo on her arm might think you're cute, but the tall guy with the brass shield on his chest might not think so. Calm down, keep your cool, and wipe the skuff off your J's with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Don't ask me how that shit works, it just does.

There you have it folks, what are some of your quips? Post em up or leave a comment. Next week I'll surely have a story about some more hot girls and some sort of party hijinks. Late.

Don't Tell Me What To Do

2007-10-08T15:27:00.000-06:00

Reggie said that I'm supposed to update my blog on Fridays from now on. This is no problem, but since I didn't get home last night until pretty late I'll have to do it now.

Yesterday was the last campus day for the RizeMedia college promo tour. For the past week we've been going around to colleges in the Houston area handing out free samples of products and talking to pretty girls. Yesterday we went to Sam Houston State and although it was a nice campus, it had a bit of an uptight feel. Maybe that's normal, but it clearly wasn't as laid back as the downtown campus at the University of Houston. Here's some highlights of the week:

- I saw possibly the hottest girl ever at UHD. She was wearing a short blue dress with some yellow shoes (WTF?). Anyway, as good looking as she was I thought it was pretty inconsiderate of her to wear such an ensemble to school seeing as it'd be near impossible for any man to concentrate in class. Yeah, she was that hot.

- We had a DJ that worked the jobs with us named Cilly C. He's nice on the decks and a real chill dude. Him, and his promoter Esco, and I talked a bit about music and the kind of parties they have in San Antonio. Last party they threw Cilly opened up for Paul Van Dyk and about 1400 people showed up. Needless to say I'll be riding out to S.A. soon to live it up with those guys. Good people.

- This is going to be a really weird story but whatever, try to follow along. While I was at Sam Houston, I was walking around with co-worker Christine handing out samples of Irish Spring body wash and getting people to sign up to win an iPod. While we're walking around we get approached by this girl and she asks if she can sign up. We obliged and while she's writing down her info she's talking about ... something. This girl talked a lot and really, really fast. Over the course of maybe 15 minutes she covered the topics of her brother playing football, trying out for the Houston Texans cheerleaders, her medical conditions, her uncle who owns Sugar Land or something, getting into fraternities, living in Huntington, and getting my foot in the door with commercial arts. The whole time I'm trying to think of a way to get out of this conversation. I came close to faking a heart attack, but as I'm pretending my arm is going numb Christine comes in and saves me.

All things considered I had a great time. I met a lot of cool people and made some good connections. Tonight is the final night and it's going to be a Greek stroll show. After the show we're having an after party, after that it's ... well, you know the rest.

So it's Tuesday now and I'm going to do an Icesickle-esque edit and tell you all about the rest of the weekend.

On Sunday I worked promotions for Geico at the Wings Over Houston airshow. If you've never been to an air show before I suggest you check one out for nothing else to see all the craft they show off. They had an 18 wheeler named "Shockwave" that could've easily been in the Transformers movie. What they did was cut the trailer off the truck and in it's place attached 3 jet engines. When the dirver revs the engine fire spits out the back, and not little "Fast and The Furious" flames either. More like "blow your shit off and make you go deaf while roasting a flock of seagulls" type flames. Anyway, we saw Shockwave race a jet and the truck won. Shockwave can go from 0 to 375 MPH in 10 seconds. I want one.

NO GIRLS at the airshow. At all. I mean, there were people with vagina's but they were ... inexplainable. Matter of fact I was telling my buddy Alex that I worked with that when I moved to Texas these were the type of people that I thought lived here. I'm talking backwoods living, country talking, sleeveless shirt wearing, tattoos on the thigh having, fried squirrel eating, never heard of toothpaste excuse having, begging for a shower, probably would've voted for Bush if they knew how to spell "George", TEXANS. We had a booth setup where if people signed up a little info form for Geico we would let them play our Plinko game where they could win some swag. The way people lined up for this shit you'd swear it was for the fastest, most bitching roller coaster on Earth. But the only criteria to play was that you HAD to fill out the form, you could ONLY play once, and you HAD to be 18. That's it! Some people wanted to play twice, a lot of people wanted to exchange prizes and some kids try to sneak in the line. I think the only kid who didn't fill out a form and wasn't 18 was this ... behemoth of a man-child. Think of Leatherface as a preteen with rotten teeth and hands as big as your face. I didn't have the heart to tell him he couldn't play because I didn't want to end up on a meat hook at the end of the night.

Holy fuck, as cool as it was hanging out with my buddy at the air show and getting free shit at the end of the day, I don't think I'll be going back there ever again.

After the air show Alex and I went to a Hooters in Houston to visit some chick he's boning. She's cool, a little wacky, but Alex said he won't commit to her unless she cleans herself up and stops hanging out with her ex-boyfriend. This ex-boyfriend sounds a lot like a scumbag and the situation sounds akin to one I went through myself so I can understand where Alex is coming from. It's not a state of jealousy, it's really because the dude is no good for this girl. I'll spare the details but at the end of the night we ended up with a Texans cheerleader autograph and partying at a Spanish discotheque with 2 dudes from Brazil and Peru. It was a crazy week and at home I passed out in my chair listening to one of my tracks.

At Last We Meet Again For The Very First Time

2007-09-10T22:52:00.000-06:00

For the past 3 months I've been unemployed. Really unemployed. The kind of unemployed that not only can I not find a job, but I can't get an interview. And my bank accounts are quickly depleting. I've done some pro bono work for my buddy Can-U to help out with his mixtape and that was cool for a while, but I need something stable to pay the bills. The sad thing is that it seems that everyone seems to be looking for some sort of graphic artist. Either for corporate identity, promotional flyers, or vehicle wraps for up-and-coming rappers, somebody needs some work done. So why not me? I just want to know what goes through someone's head when they look at my resume and portfolio and think "Nope, he's not good enough". I don't want to turn this into a bitch fest so I'll just move on ...

The MTV VMA's have come and gone and by now, you've either seen them or heard about them. Draw your own conclusions. I thought the show sucked, but I always enjoy watching celebrities perform.

I think there should be a natonal ordinance to shut off the internet for a week every month. I took a break from the net (note: not computer) for a week last month and it was almost a "white light" experience. I think my generation is an elite group; a group born on the brink of the future. One that still remembers a world before the internet and high definition TVs, and then saw that world transform into a giant ball of MP3s and megapixels. I sort of long for the days of when I only used a computer to type up a paper or draw pictures of poop in MS Paint with my buddies. Now all I see is who called me a fag on what message board, who turned me into a werewolf on Facebook (what the fuck does that even mean?) and a bunch of other interactions that can be overwhelming at times. So when I turned off the net for a week I almost got a sense of what it was like to be 10 again, I played some old computer games like SimCity and Beyond Zork, built some robots out of LEGOs and listened to a bunch of CDs. It was great and I might make it a regular thing.

The first thing I did when I hooked up the net again? Downloaded the audiobook of Ender's Game from Audible and put it on my iPod. *Sigh*

Life Imitating The Internet

2007-07-21T00:37:00.000-06:00

So I sit here on a Friday night listening to Orgy recollecting the events of the past week. Monday, I got a chance to meet the King of All Forums, Philaflava himself. He was down in Houston for a couple of days along with his wife and being the kind of guy that I am I offered to show him around town while he was here. I really didn't have anything planned ... in fact I almost forgot he was coming until I got a text message from him a few days before. Anyway, after my dentist appointment I went to his hotel, took him to my buddies restaurant, and that's where we met up with fellow Houston residents Jamrage and BlessingInDisguise.

Disclaimer: I know it's completely fucking WACKY that I'm referring to real life human beings as their online handles and I don't have an excuse for it. So from this point on:

Jason = Philaflava
James = Jamrage
And, uh ... we'll just refer to BlessingInDisguise as "B".

Now that's all cleared up I must say that meeting people from the internet for the first time isn't as strange as I thought it would be. Everyone was real cool and we got along without having to drop small images to represent our emotions. James is a real laid back guy, drinks like a fucking fish, and despite being from Houston has a strong affinity for east coast rap. He's also been working in bookstores since he was, like, 12.

"B" was a real surprise to meet. Consistently funny, knowledgeable, and full of love for hip hop. I didn't even know dude rapped but he's got skill and I share his thoughts on the direction he sees hip hop moving. What are his thoughts? Well, ask him.

Jason seems like the type of dude that would've picked on me if we went to high school together. However he's not a dickhead or anything like you other geeks out there wish the guy would turn out to be. Real cool dude with strong opinions on a lot of stuff that took me by surprise. I wish I could reveal the conversation we all had at the table but we're sworn to secrecy. I will say that we discussed other posters on the forum, music, women, and my eyebrows.

I should also note that we met up with Jakki on Wednesday night at some fashion show that was clearly being run on CPT. I don't really know if it would be fair to give an opinion of her as seeing by the time we got there she was already intoxicated and probably not herself. She seems cool though and we had a long talk as she drove home at like 3AM. Don't ask.

All in all it was a fun couple of days. I also interviewed for a job this week so hopefully that pans out. Till next time fearless readers!

Don't Worry Everyone...

2007-06-27T21:34:00.000-06:00

I'm definitely up to something.

Super Destructo Laser Array Gun

2007-05-15T21:01:00.000-06:00

Wow.

So here I sit watching the introduction of tonight's episode of Letterman and I thought to myself, "Good God, when was the last time I updated the blog?" I guess it has been quite a while, I'm surprised Reggie hasn't found anyone to replace me in the hiatus. Alright, well I guess I should let you in on the past week of events.

- I cursed out my ex-girlfriend's parents. Really long story (an entry itself, maybe I'll post about it one day) and it isn't really relevant anymore so I'll just say that I let my anger and pride get the best of me. Worst part about it is the whole "bettering myself" that I've been trying to do fell down the shitter with that course of action. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

- I got sick. Big deal here, right? It really is because I hardly ever get sick. The last time I had the flu I was 7, which also happens to be the last time I threw up. Seriously, I have the immune system of a ... uh, something that never gets sick. I guess you can chalk it up to healthy diet and exercise but I like to think it's because of the gamma rays I was exposed to when I was younger. So if I catch a fever or a sore throat all bets are off. I took the day off work and took in a good ol' sick day; sick days are awesome albeit less awesome when you're actually sick. In any case I'm almost back to normal however ...

- My wisdom tooth is being an asshole. The fucking piece of shit is just hanging out underneath my gums which is causing the gums over the tooth to become quite large and painful. Every time I bite down I'm grinding, jabbing and mushing my gums with my wisdom teeth on the top of my mouth. Now, my top wisdom teeth are some cool motherfuckers. They came out to party and didn't get too drunk so they wreck the place, they're just there to hang out with the other teeth and maybe get a little tongue action. The bottom wisdom teeth are lames though. One of them came but he's just posted up on the wall not saying anything grilling everyone else. And the other one didn't even show up yet and he's the designated driver (according to my dentist it would be a good idea for all of the teeth to show up before they extract them). So we're all stuck waiting for this fucker to arrive but in the meantime ...

- I got some new music. This is always fun. I didn't discover the bands but I just now got hip to them by buying some albums. I was at the local warehouse music store and I sent my buddy a text message saying, "Give me an album to buy. Serious answer too" and he hit me back with "Felt 2: A Tribute To Lisa Bonet. So I copped that, but I have yet to listen to it because I've been listening to Placebo's Meds. Pretty great album in my opinion. Also, I picked up the new Linkin Park record today. Should be a good next couple of weeks.

- Oh yeah, I got summoned for jury duty. Yep, me. Mr. I Dunno What Do You Wanna Do might have to make a decision regarding someone else's life. Everyone I've talked to said that I probably won't be picked as a juror, but I'm convinced that I will because my life sucks. I also learned that I shouldn't go into the processing and act like I'm crazy because they can hold me in contempt. Guess there's no funny alternative to get out of this like in the television shows so I'll let you all know how it goes on the 5th of June.

That's all folks. I'm guessing the weekend will be an uneventful one considering I have no plans and no friends. Guess it's comic books and B-movies for me! Later!

Digital Billboard

2007-04-22T14:18:00.000-06:00

Another uneventful week, I suppose that means this next week will be action packed full of excitement. Until something cool happens I might as well share with you how I pass my time during the work week: Podcasts! Here are three that have captured my attention recently.

SModcast

SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don't deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren't). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

Geekscape

Weekly episodes bring you the latest news and reviews in the worlds of movies, video games and comic books. Led by our fearless geek leader, you'll discover new frontiers of Geekdom! So charge up the engines, hop on board and set phasers to fun. We're about to explore the Geekscape together!

The Totally Rad Show

The Totally Rad Show is the summer blockbuster of geek news shows. Every week, hosts Alex Albrecht, Dan Trachtenberg, and Jeff Cannata rip into the world of movies, video games, tv, comics, and more and pull out what's rad.

There you have it guys, hope you all enjoy.

Supermodels + French Electro

2007-04-06T15:10:00.000-06:00

Last week was boring and uneventful, this week more than made up for it though. It all started last week when I went out to celebrate a friends birthday. To make the long story a short one, I met her cousin Christine and we exchanged numbers. This happened the day after I had given up on working things out with my ex-girlfriend so it didn't take me long to get over that. Anyway, that great night set the tone for the rest of the week which also happened to be pretty damn kick-ass.

Earlier this week someone posted up a Justice song on the PF boards that I haven't heard before but I've been playing non-stop since. I just recently got into French electro music, even though I've been a fan of Daft Punk for a while, and I'm really diggin' it. Even though some hipsters may be playing it out to death I don't think that defaces the quality of the music and I'll be checking from Justice and the rest of the Ed Banger crew for a while.

Sharing is caring ...

Justice - D.A.N.C.E. (Original mix)

Yesterday I met a Victoria's Secret catalog model at the mall. Her name is Rosalita [sp?] and she is simply gorgeous. We were both buying perfume (not for me) at one of those stands in the middle of the mall and the guy helping her was like "Hey homie, you've seen that new Victoria's Secret catalog?" I said "Nah". Then he pointed to her, "Check out page 10" and she looked over at me and smiled. I was fucking shocked.

I exclaimed "Your really in Victoria's Secret?!"

She replied, "Yeah, check it out in the store."

"Wow ... that's awesome ..." with a STUPID grin on my face.

But she was extra nice, "What's your name?"

"Uh, Aaron."

"Aaron. I'm Rosalita. Nice to meet you."

And thats when I blacked out. I didn't pass out or anything, but I don't remember what happened after that. I do remember that she's married and some lucky schmuck gets to come home to that every night. I don't know about you, but knowing that makes life worth living. Huh? Oh, I'll explain later.

There's a wild pig in my backyard.

Not actually purple, but it's still a fucking pig and I think it wants to eat me. Heh, how ironic I had a bacon and egg kolache this morning for breakfast.

All Filler, No Killer

2007-03-29T19:11:00.000-06:00

Nothing interesting has happened in my life since the last update, and the ol' noggin is pretty barren of any opinions on anything so I'll make this list of my Top 10 Favorite Women That Appear On Our Televisions Every Once In a While.

10. Kerry Washington

Seen her in: I Think I Love My Wife, The Last King of Scotland, She Hate Me.

Instant wife material right here. The type that you bring to family picnics and introduce to your grandparents. Afterwards your grandma gives you a wink and a smile and your grandpa slips you some Vitamin V. Wait ... what?

9. Brooke Valentine
Seen her in: Like, one music video.

Brooke is from Houston so the chances of me running into her one day at random are 1 in 1,953,631. I'd say those are pretty good chances all things considered. Anyway, if I ever meet her I will do everything in my power to make her fall in love with me. Including hypnotism.

8. Cassie
Seen her in: Two music videos and a couple award shows.

Me & you indeed. I really hope she keeps making music so she can keep being all famous and stuff. [lloyd_christmas] I like her a lot. [/lloyd]

7. Roselyn Sanchez
Seen her in: Rush Hour 2, State Property 2, Without a Trace, too.

Puerto Rico! Hooooo! God, I love this woman and everything about her. Watching her in high definition is about as close as I'll ever get to her I'm afraid.

6. Shakira
Seen her in: very little clothing on stage shaking like an '67 Ford pickup.

Kinda fell off the radar for a bit after her "Laundry Service" album, but thanks to Wyclef and his dreads she came back on the scene and set the world en fuego. Probably the perfect woman in every aspect. Don't believe me? Listen to "The One".

5. Selita Ebanks
Seen her in: Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition 2007.

I had no idea who this girl was until I sat in Barnes & Noble and read the latest SI:SE. Holy fucking hell, man. That was a really good call to not pick up that copy of Blender Magazine instead.

4. Jennifer Love Hewitt
Seen her in: Party of Five, Trojan, Ghost Whisperer

Even though she wears some weird shit on her TV show, (the original) J.Lo is still hot to def. Plus, she seems to be a pretty goofy girl which is a definite turn on.

3. Maria Menounos
Seen her in: Entertainment Tonight, Scrubs, Entourage

Ok, so maybe you think you've seen this girl on TV more often than once in a while, but really she hasn't done as much as you may think. Why? I don't know. Hollywood sucks.

2. Lacey Chabert
Seen her in: Not Another Teen Movie, Mean Girls, Black Christmas

There's not enough Lacey in our lives. Party of 5 was 7 years ago and although Mean Girls still has replay value, this girl does not get enough shine. Although she did voice a character in the new Sonic the Hedgehog game. (possible geek alert??!!!)

1. Mya Harrison
Seen her in: Chicago, Coca-Cola commercials with Common, my dreams

Anyone who knows me knows that this isn't a complete shocker, but it's only right. She's always been sexy and has really grown into it the past years making her irresistible to me. I would like to take her out and get some pizza, then maybe watch a DVD of Toy Story (cuz who doesn't love THAT movie??) and then spoon in the nude. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

There you have it folks. This was pretty fun, maybe I'll do more of these lists in the future. Don't forget to click on the pictures for a better quality version.

Congratulations Universe, You've Won.

2007-03-15T18:30:00.000-06:00

I envy Isaac Mendez. I don't really care that he can paint a pretty picture or that girls find him sexy because of his dark and brooding artistic side.That sonofabitch can predict the future and still the only thing he can think of doing is getting high and being "normal" again. Now, maybe this is just me being pissed off that I don't actually posses these powers but, give me the ability to know what's going to happen before they do and I would not hate it.

So now I'm thinking, why don't humans have super powers? We have men that can split atoms, predict weather patterns, and upload videos to YouTube but we can't give man the ability to shoot fucking metal claws out his hands?! Or super strength? I think the government should sit down with the writers of Marvel and DC and create a Super Powered Volunteer Act. I don't know enough about science to recommend gamma rays or alien rocks, but I KNOW there is something locked up in Area 57 that could fuck some shit up. I would be the first one in line to sign up. Hell, at least I wouldn't have to work a 9-5 anymore.

Alas, in a perfect world this program would already be in motion and the world would have their own superheroes to cheer for and their fair share of villians to despise. I guess man as of right now, in this stage of evolution, isn't supposed to be able to read minds. The universe won't allow itself to be thrown all out of wack like that. I mean, there could be beings on other planets with these powers already. However, maybe one day our science fiction novels and super-action movies will come to life here on Earth.. So I tip the hat to you, universe ... you've won. For now.

Stop talking to me like I'm a puppy.

2007-03-05T18:44:00.000-06:00

There are certain things you never get tired hearing. Like compliments on how good you look, the job you've completed, or whenever your lover tells you they love you. Things like that can really brighten your day or bring you up when your down.

I don't get those kind of compliments often without paying for them first, no, I get other types of so-called "compliments".

"Hey! You look like Chris Rock!"
"You have a really pretty face for a guy."
"Oh Aaron, you are such a good boy!"

The last one usually comes after I tell people what I don't do. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't use drugs, I don't drink coffee, I don't drink soda, I don't womanize, I don't eat fast food and I can count the number of people I've slept with on one hand. Now your probably thinking to yourself I'm some sort of religious fanatic but that is not nearly the case. I was raised Christian but I can't tell you the last time I've been to a church that wasn't for a funeral. Everything I choose not to do is just that, my choice, not because someone or a higher power told me not to. And when someone exclaims to me that I'm a good boy I almost expect to be given a biscuit and patted on the head afterward. It's not that I don't appreciate it, it's just that it comes from everybody.

I guess I see myself as (one of) the last of a dying breed. A generation of men that actually give a damn about a woman's value and aren't out to just rack up the number of "bitches he's hit". Or the kind of guy who doesn't always go out to get wasted or blunted but to rather just have fun. There's not many of guys like me left, and I'm going to let out a secret of how we label ourselves...

We call ourselves geeks.

And we come in all shapes and sizes. We're not just the fat, sweaty guy that used to hang out in the A/V room back in high school. Nope, we shower and shave and we live among you often getting mistaken for "cool people". But in a sense we are cool, we are the coolest motherfuckers on the planet because we are true to ourselves and embrace our inner dweeb. If someone ever told you that geeks do it better, that's not entirely true. We just do it. And we do it until we get it right.

By no means am I perfect, trust me I'm the last person that thinks so. But I am proud of who I am and I'm proud of my will power to defeat temptation . After all, Will Power + Responsibility x Determination = The makings of a good superhero.