The Fatty Top 10

So I just got back from lunch with Reggie, we hit this new BBQ joint on 26^th b/t Broadway and 6^th called Hill County or some shit like that. The food was killer. I went there a few weeks ago with Wind and our friend Sean who has been working with us for the past week and a half filming a bunch of shit we need filmed for the album. This all has nothing to do with the blog I am about to write other than the food part. Today I get emails from both Reggie and Dr. Gloss telling me to get a new blog done and since I’m kinda not into the whole I’m famouser than you thing this week I decided to go a different route. It came to me while Reggie and I, to admitted fat boys, and were chowing down on some good brisket and fixins. Today I am going to give you my top ten food recommendations for fatties:

10. Toasted Marshmallows – I know many of you live in the city or in apartments with no access to an open fire or grill to toast marshmallows on. But fear not my fellow fatties, I have found a sure fire way to make all your toasted marshmallow fantasies come true. Use your stove. That’s right. Your stove top, especially if its gas is a perfect alternative to the tyranny of outdoor fire. You are in control of you marshmallow toasting and can do it anytime of day or night. I know I have certainly had toasted marshmallow and Capt. Crunch for breakfast.

9. Boboli Pizza – I used to be a diehard supporter of the tombstone and d’giorno frozen pizza families, but lately I have switched to the Boboli. It is a delicious alternative to the frozen pizza’s that line your frozen food isle, for starters it gives you the illusion that it is some how more healthy because you are making it yourself. However once you put a full packet of sauce, some grated cheese and pepperoni on it, you are killing yourself just ass fast as if you ate the frozen one. I suggest putting toasted marshmallows on top.

8. Kennedy’s Fried Chicken – honestly I don’t partake in Kennedy’s that often, but when I do its usually because nothing else is open. I always forget how good it is too. The great thing about Kennedy’s is that you go in reluctantly and end up walking out with $20 worth of fried foods, everything from popcorn chicken to pizza rolls

7. Atomic Wings – I know every city has the wing spot that fatties across the city swear by. That place for me is atomic wings. Atomic wings are located at about 5 different bars across the city. If you are lucky you plan your wing eating events around great nights like $1 draft of $4 pitcher nights. I recommend the extra crispy. There is just something gross about chewy chicken.

6. Caesar Salad – Sorry health nuts, there is nothing healthy about a salad that has creamy dressing, croutons, some sort of meat, and cheese. Delicious, yes; healthy, no.

5. Any restaurant that bases its menu on southern cooking, whether it’s BBQ, Cajun, Creole, Cracker Barrel or whatever. The thing is this, where do most fat people live? Correct, the south, which means the food’s delicious and anything but nutritious. In addition to the BBQ place mentioned earlier, Dukes, Acme Underground and any Cracker Barrel or Bob Evans should do the trick. If you want you pants to include an elastic waistband I suggest you get your asses down there.

4. Pizza Rolls – I haven’t had them in a while but I used to fuck with the Tino’s Pizza rolls something serious back in the day. Especially on Sunday, I remember watching many a Jets game and cooking a gang of these bastards at half time for a delicious second half treat. Added bonus – wicked gas and killer heartburn

3. Friendly’s – Seriously what other restaurant do you know of that you know nothing on the regular menu but everything on the ice cream menu.

2. Waffle House – perhaps the greasiest places in America, I would say that its always a problem with the cholesterol level is higher than the collective IQ of the staff but in this case I wouldn’t say so much for that, since most people under the hire of Waffle House make the banjo boy in Deliverance look like a Rhode Scholar.

1. Bacon Sandwiches – now I know some of you might be disgusted but don’t knock it till you try it. It’s really quite delicious. I haven’t had one in well over ten years but I do remember the days of coming home drunk, cooking up about 8 slices of bacon, toasting an English muffin and making a delicious sandwich. Sure it probably took years off my life but so did smoking and I don’t see anyone saying that’s bad for you.

So there you have it. The top ten fatty delicacies according to me, the 4^th most famous rapper on philaflava.com. Enjoy and remember to keep it heart smart, whatever the fuck that means.

Just got back from paradise

Well, well, what do you know? It’s been maddddd long since my last entry. Since my router is bugging and I can no longer lurk or read about your collective hate for Kanye, I decided its time for a new blog so you can live vicariously through me.

I guess there is a lot to cover, and since I don’t feel like covering it I will instead give you a list of my random thoughts. You can consider this the new version of The Secret, since it will enlighten you with the secrets to my success which in all probability you will never achieve and it will end up in Oprah’s book club.

For starters, you all know I was part of the first ever Rock the Bells/Paid Dues tour. It was amazing, basically like rap summer camp. Hung out with a lot of friends on tour buses, driving around the country drinking, smoking, and fornicating. Jealous? You should be. It was just like you imagine those early Van Halen tours were except without the massive coke consumption, fake titties, and spandex. So really it wasn’t like that at all. The tour was just great.

I just got back from vacation in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. It was really quite fresh. Pretty much like a Corona commercial, if Corona commercials were filmed after a twelve-pack.

I got a link to the new Kanye album—yeah, I’m that important. It’s pretty good, but not as good as the last record, which might be one of the ten best hip-hop albums since ’95. But it’s still damned good. That’s all, no snarky comments or jokes

9/11 is coming up, when does that become a national holiday? I really can’t wait so the 9/11 Truth movement people can complain on message boards and in Union Square Park. It’s really some of the best free entertainment the city has to offer. They might even knock the angry Black Hebrew Israelites out of the top spot.

Did you hear of a staunch conservative in Congress that might be gay? Shocking, right?

I don’t know if I ever mentioned it, but Reggie looks just like Rog from What’s Happening? if Rog was fat and white.

Between being on tour and on vacation, I have no idea what’s going on in the world anymore. That being said I’m done with this blog. Sorry it’s so short, but I have to shit, and as you know when I shit, I shit gold. It’s one of the things they teach you how to do when you are famous. Just ask David Letterman.

Oh yeah Hangar 18 Sweep the Leg is coming October 23. My early prediction: quadruple diamond. That’s right, forty million copies sold.